A short story in several parts, this being the second. If you didn’t read Part 1 this won’t make any sense, so start there: Terms and Conditions – Part 1
Mark just looked at him. OK buddy. Sure. This is ridiculous. I’m dead? Yeah right. There’s no way. I don’t feel dead, don’t remember dying and for sure I would remember that. This has to be some kind of punked-prank thing. Do people actually fall for this? Any second now after they film my reaction Omar is going to do the big reveal. Whoever set me up is going to be sorry. OK Omar, do your thing.
Omar sat there, looking back at Mark. Oh I get it, this is like salary negotiations. First person to talk loses, Mark thought. I can play this game. He linked his fingers together and put them in his lap, not breaking eye contact with Omar.
They both sat there for some time.
Finally Omar said, “I know it’s a lot to take in, so I’ll go ahead and fill you in on the details while you’re processing everything. Stop me any time with questions, alright?”
Mark gave a thin smile and nodded. Really putting in the work here, guy. Any minute now…
“You took a Lyft to Cougar Mountain Park and started up the De Leo Wall trail. You chose the more challenging bluff trails. About an hour in you had a massive aneurysm – sorry about that – and when you lost consciousness you slipped over the side, down the abandoned mine shaft you were looking into, and that was that.”
Mark vaguely remembered finding out about the trail. He remembered thinking it would be cool to see how the area had recovered from the coal mining after it stopped in the 1960s. It was about a 12 mile ride from his place, and it was a rare sunny day in September when he went. He remembered deciding to take the more challenging trail because the view was supposed to be better. He remembered seeing signs warning about the abandoned mine shafts. He remembered looking down over a bluff into a deep hole. There was a jolt, as if he had grabbed an exposed wire and got a zap, then dark and warm and then nothing.
A cold realization ran down Mark’s spine. He looked around again and started to get scared. “So if I’m dead is this … I mean … this is…where am I? Did I go up or down? This is down, right? Oh man. What was it? What got me down here?”
Omar put his hand up. “Easy. You are dead. You are not anywhere yet. You still have to go through processing and all that, but you’re not scheduled to go up or down, you are still only classified 4R, which is rebirth not final transport,” he looked back at his monitors. “In fact, that’s what the issue is, that’s why you are still here.”
“Still where? What’s the issue?” He was still freaked out but knowing that he wasn’t doomed to eternal damnation in an office was slightly reassuring.
“This is processing and assignment. When you die, you come here first, and we review your file, check all the requirements, debrief and process you for your next assignment – typically rebirth, but it can also be… ‘up or down’ …as you put it. In your case, though, we’ve hit a bit of a snag, you see.”
Mark was not reassured by this.
“There are requirements that must be satisfied before we can close out and sign off on your past life and move you along. Very routine, you see, but we can’t process without the conditions being met.”
“Why? Sorry, but what is the point? No offense, but this seems like a lot of paper shuffling for no apparent reason.” Mark was starting to feel a strange sense of familiarity with the situation.
“It is an ancient agreement, made during the great separation. You have heard the saying ‘The devil is in the details?’ That is not a figure of speech.”
“God and the Devil have a terms and conditions agreement?”
“Indeed. That’s where those came from actually. I’m sure you can guess who’s idea the fine print items were,” Omar said with a wink, and pointed down with his index finger.
This is bizarre, Mark thought.
“…and therein lies the problem. The conditions. Typically these are mostly a matter of routine as they are very easily met. However in your case, one has not and that’s why you are still here.”
“OK, so what’s the condition I haven’t met?”
“Your death must be verified. This can be by anyone – usually it happens immediately but sometimes it can take a little longer. It doesn’t have to be a family member either, it can be anyone – a nurse, a coworker, your mail carrier, a collection agency agent, funeral director, anything. And it doesn’t have to be a big statement, just recognition by a still living unit that the aforementioned recently removed unit is no longer in circulation.”
It took several seconds for the implications of what Omar had just told him to sink in.
“You mean no one has noticed I’m dead?”
“That is the long and short of it,” Omar said.
“How long was I waiting in there?” he asked pointing back in the general direction he thought the waiting room was.
“A little over fourteen months.”